2019 What a year that was ! So much had happened and full of surprises both good and bad. But a start of a whole new decade makes me think back of the whole 10 years and what I’ve been through during that period. It was also the time that I was new to motherhood and trying to figure out on how to balance marriage, parenthood and your own well being. That decade was the start of full blown adulting. Every decision I make or we make as a couple ties in to our marriage, our lifestyle and of course, our kids. It wasn’t easy. And by saying that, I have a lump in my throat. It’s not easy girl, it’s not easy. I’m sure it’s not just me who went through the hard times, we all are. It could be more or less that I’ve been through. But the endurance of pain and hardship is subjective.What matter is, we survived each passing day and we’ve come far all along.
Here are a few things that the 2010s taught me about life……..
Self – Care
Identifying what self-care really is. Purely subjective, because what self-care for one, is not for the other . Also we changed. Confession here, I used to shop a lot. When the kids were little, going to the mall was an escape for me and come home with a bunch of stuffs that I don’t really need. I justified myself by saying ” I’m so tired, i deserve it. ” At that period, it gives me joy. No regrets at all. I was happy ! But, it came to a point where it doesn’t serve me anymore. Don’t get it twisted, I still shop. There is nothing really wrong with that . But I wanted something else and what was the idea of “self-care” to me, it’s not anymore. Nowadays, that my kids have grown (but still little). I want something else and yes, I’m on a mission. I’m doing a lot of soul searching and trying new things. It’s going to be a lot of trial and error but I’m hoping for the best. At this point, what does self care really means to you ?
Establishing a habit
This was crucial to me especially in the beginning of motherhood. It was just me and my husband. We have no outside help. When my husband goes to work even if he works at home, I’m on my my own. I feel lonely. It also comes with the territory of motherhood, we all feel lonely and isolated at some point or the other regardless if you have a husband, family or friend who helps you. It’s because you are a mom and you know you have a big responsibility to your child. It’s not just about you anymore. A lot of things to consider and a lot of sacrifices.
So establishing a habit was hard, but i started it little by little. Little goals. I remembered when I first had a newborn, my goal was to take a shower everyday. I don’t care what time it is. My point is sticking to that habit and be committed even if the act is so little.
Then years go by my habits changed and little goals became big goals. 2010s was a period of health and wellness became a priority and slowly adapting my diet and workout as part of my lifestyle without being so obsessed with ones appearance but with how you feel with your body. I eat and work out to make me feel good and not to gain six pack abs. What a goal right ? I don’t care what you say. Because for me if my goal is to have a six pack, it stresses me out. Even bodybuilders couldn’t maintain a six pack, some do but it’s not healthy. That’s why there is an off season and on season for a reason.
So to continue….. When I’m stressed out, it translates to everyone in the household. It’s not pretty guys, it’s not pretty. I need to know where I’m comfortable at and my balance.
Be optimistic and have a fighting spirit
Sometimes you’re the one standing in your way. There are things that we’ve been meaning to do but we don’t do it because we don’t have time or whatever. Step back and figure out some changes to attain those goals.
2010s was a decade full of self-discovery and yes, the time my blog was born. I enjoyed journaling even when i was as a child and having a blog is just natural for me. But making a blog into a business is a different story and put me into the highs and lows mentally and physically. There is a lot involved to keep it running. I wish it’s just all about taking pretty pictures and writing but it’s not. There are lot of things to figure out especially how fast digital and social media evolves. Most big blogs/vlogs are run by a team and when you have a little blog and do things like how these big blogs work. It takes a toll on you. There were times that I’m about to give up but a lot of times it makes me feel grateful and blessed.
Through my blog I’ve been judge. I don’t really talk about these things a lot because I want to keep it positive but yes, I feel it. I don’t hear it , I don’t make noises about it . But I felt it, i feel it. That’s how being optimistic and fighting spirit comes into play. Also, you have to accept that you can’t serve everyone.
Speak Up
We all know that to get your point across and to get what you want, you got to speak up. As a filipino immigrant being married to an American, at some point and time getting your point across is a challenge. You have different cultures and upbringing, of course there will be clash.
Since 2010’s was the infant stage of our marriage, it taught me to speak up at a right place and a right time on getting my point across without getting on each other’s nerves. I’m not saying I’m already an expert on this. It’s a work on progress but practicing good communication is really essential. I have no marriage tips guys. All I can say marriage is work and it’s not all fairy tales. When someone tells me their marriage is flawless and perfect, it’s a lie.
In regards to personal . As an immigrant, communicating with Americans other than my husband and our inner circle is important to me. My blog and social media taught me a lot. Good and bad. One of the reasons why I went back to work dental assisting last 2019, was because I want to hone my communication skills, be a part of a group and learn from it. One on one interaction is obviously different from social media and the community of it.
If you are an immigrant in the States fresh from your homeland. Venture out, engaged and learn from it. You’ll be amazed of how these people’s lives and actions speaks to you, taught you, amazes you and inspires you.
Don’t Take Things Personally
Well, it’s case to cases basis but most of the time they are not worth your time. So don’t take it personally and most of the time it’s not about you. It’s them, it speaks on their personality and who they truly are. And if you’ve been rejected , ignored etc. It’s not an expression of your self worth. Maybe it’s a sign that it’s not meant to be or not a match of who you are and what truly aligns with your values. It’s not a reflection of who you are.
Definition Of Your Success
We all have stages in life. Don’t let anyone define success for you. Define it yourself.
Whatever stage in your life right now, keep going, keep hustling, keep fighting and if you are stay at home with little kids, embrace those moments and hug them tighter because they grow so fast like a blink of an eye. It’s okay if you read that same book 100 times. It’s okay if they still want to be tuck in bed. It’s their safe place to make one on one conversation with you.
If you are a working mom, it’s okay if you can’t pick them up from school and sometimes they have to make their own afternoon snacks or dinner perhaps. They need to learn to be independent and to thrive on their own. Keep going and take them along with your success.
I could have made this blog post even longer, since I have so many insights throughout the past decade. This post is even longer than I expected.
To sum it up, it was a the most challenging, memorable and eventful decade of my life. It was a chapter of my mom’s loss, the blur life and triumphant life of marriage and motherhood, helped my family in the Philippines by giving them opportunities, an aha moment when i started my blog and monetizing from it and serving humanity as my part time job. I think i did pretty good. Hopefully by the time when I say ” I arrive” on my version of success, it is what I want to be.
Thank you for reading and have great day….
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